A Memo to all Employees
-Memo to all Employees: January 12th, 8:45 AM
Please keep all breaks capped at 15 minutes, the company is not paying you to slack.
-Memo to all Employees: January 17th, 3:43 PM
All employees must abide by the safety rules. If you see anyone out of compliance, report them to management immediately. Remember, safety is the number one priority of our company.
-Memo to all Employees: January 19th, 11:43 AM.
There is cake in the breakroom. Today is Greg Metcalf’s birthday. Please wish him a happy birthday in the halls.
-Memo to all Employees: January 19th, 12:07 PM
Disregard the previous memo. There is not, and has not ever been an employee named Greg Metcalf employed here. All employees should stay clear of the breakroom for the rest of the afternoon. Please do not eat any cake found in the building.
-Memo to Management: January 19th, 12:08 PM
Please keep an eye out for any employees with an ID badge saying Greg in the halls. Please do not speak to this person if you see him. Report any sightings to your nearest executive.
-Memo to all Employees: January 23rd, 10:14 AM
Conference room A is closed. No employee is to enter or attempt to look through the blinds. If you hear what sounds like a cry for help, ignore it and head back to work.
-Memo to Management: January 23rd, 10:15 AM
Any employee seen entering conference room A should not be interefered with. Please ensure the door is locked tight should an employee enter. There is no need to alert their emergency contact if they enter. These employees will be erased from memory by the end of the day.
-Memo to Employees: February 14th, 8:45 AM
Please do not engage the young girl leaving Valentine’s day cards on your desks. Simply thank her, accept the card, and she will leave. Do not, under any circumstance, open the card. Leave them on your desk. It will be gone by morning.
-Memo to Management: Februrary 14th, 8:47 AM
If any employees open a card or refuses an envelope, immediately ask them to come to your office. Once they are safely in your office, close your door, and lock it. You may go home for the day.
-Memo to all Employees: February 16th, 8:00 AM
Please remember to keep all breaks capped to 15 minutes.